Believing

I am my biggest road block. I don't know why I do it to myself. I can't seem to find the answer to this troublesome barrier. Why do I do this to myself? What the hell am I so afraid of? I paralyze myself and I just don't know how to get out of it. Could it be my ADD? Is it the fact that I'm easily distracted the reason for such non faith...such non inspiration? I am truly lost...

All I ever wanted was to create, live a dream, be successful...but I doubt my own abilities. Sometimes I wonder; would I have had a different path if I was raised with someone believing in me...would I be doing what I love to do, if only my parents had told me that I could do anything?

I know it's too late for something like that, too late for the pep talks...too late for a lot of things. I always think: If only I can catch a break...if only I can get my foot in the door!! At one point I thought I did and I thought I had met some people who would care enough to mentor me but they their own lives, their own struggles...their own fame...they don't have time for little old ME. I'm a spec in their lives of hustling and I am but a mere distraction. If I ever make it to where I want to be, I vow to pay it forward. I would not let any pedestal get in the way of someone reaching out to me.

I need to fill my soul with belief and I need to believe that I have faith...it's been too long since I've lost myself and I think it's time that see me for who I am, for what I can do, the things I can accomplish. I believe that I can make a difference in this world and I don't dream small... my dreams are enormous...my dreams can be amazing.